The 8 questions to help you make a better world with your New Year’s Resolutions.

Now is the time we normally promise ourselves things will be different. As a result of the apparent excess of Christmas we idealise a new us and think that magically, this year, we will be able to loose that weight, do that extra run, take up a new hobby, learn a language or volunteer for the food bank. We start with great intent and then we know what happens by week two ... and then we feel low about ourselves. So let’s think differently about how we can be successful in making change happen.

We at Useful and Kind Unlimited (U&K) are in the positive prosocial Behaviour Change business. We want to make a difference for our Selves, for Others and for the World.

We speak about the importance of:

Pausing, stopping, taking time, in order to
Reflect, and notice what is going on with us, others and in the world. But the outcome that we need is
that we
ACT to make it better, again for ourselves, others and the world.
We have designed many tools to help you to do that.
OK so first just list the type of resolutions you would normally make for next year.

Just Pause and ask how much you want these.
Are they typical of ones you have made before? How successful are you normally at meeting them?

Before we explore the 8 key questions and behaviours you need to really succeed let’s learn more about Behaviour Change.

It’s not quick...

The science and thinking around Behaviour Change is now considerable. The ABC of Behaviour Change Theories lists 83 current models, wow, that’s enough to put us off from the start!

We have drawn many lessons from those prosocial change makers who have made the world better. We do this in order that you can be both ambitious and realistic about what, when and how you can change. Rome wasn’t built in a day and some of the great progressive changes we have seen took many years to accomplish. Sometimes we have to accept both that change takes a long time and with humility, that the part we play is only tiny but it is still vital.

The U&K SOW model of change invites us to ask how we can be kind to: Self, Others and the World.

Working on our own change is hard enough, changing others requires different approaches and whilst we can ‘Be the Change we want to see in the world’ (Gandhi) it is important to remember that it is going to take big efforts from all of us when we are facing such major environmental and societal threats.

The difficult news is that behaviour change takes time. In order fully to embed an eating or drinking habit can take an average of 264 days. So if you have set a resolution to drink less in January the bad news is it won’t last. Unless…

Now look at the really long term: It was 60 years from the time we knew smoking was lethal before we got a mostly smoke free public realm. The Abolitionists’ campaigns started in the 1720s, the Slavery Abolition Act was in 1833 and the slave owners were still being ‘repaid’ in 2015. We have known about Climate Change since the C19th, there has been a growing consensus around the impacts of CO2 since the 60s, yet we are still not at a place of universal agreement on the steps necessary to ameliorate the impact.

We like to think of significant and particular moments of change, the most obvious one we use at U&K is Rosa Parkes on the bus. However these are often simply totemic or symbolic. As has now been shown this was not the spontaneous protest of one woman, massively brave as that was, but the carefully co-ordinated action of many people planned over a year. (Phillips)

But change does happen. Think of the role of women in society, think of changing attitudes to the LGBTQI+ communities ... and yet ... we have such a long way to go and it is so easy to be put off by the pace of change.

... and change can be quick. Think of how we all adapted since the pandemic: Hands, Space, Face. There were certainly Behaviour Scientists involved in that!

It’s not easy...

Also, behaviour change is not easy - many great minds have been at work to help us.

We are creatures of habit and these habits are embedded very early in our lives and are rewarded by the serotonin kick we so crave that we get from love, attention (or sugar, chocolate and the like for some of us). These habits can be grouped into patterns: I did that, therefore... that, I did well, therefore I get a gold star (or ultimately Knighthood), after a meal I have chocolate, I usually smoke if I am drinking. These can be healthy or not. The less healthy ones can be very hard to break and Public Health policy makers, Behavioural Scientists, Social Psychologists and Motivational experts have been studying how best to ‘Nudge’ (Thaler, Sunstein) us into ‘better ways’. Health Care professionals around the world have been working for decades on the ways in which we can behave differently in order to reduce major non-communicable diseases (heart attack, stroke, cancer, asthma and diabetes).

Changing Behaviour often requires a sacrifice, the ‘giving up’ of something which we can experience as pain and we crave what we have lost. Many of us gain a psychological security from these patterns and they can become so embodied that we feel we can’t exist without repeating them over and over.

As we know from Attachment Theory the impact of loss is felt somatically, whether loss of loved one, a job, a sense of self or a pattern of thinking, feeling and doing that we have become over attached to and over-reliant on.

Given the inequities in the world, not least of resources, we see these early patterns played out in those who can not separate themselves from the security that they have associated with possessions, position and power which they cling to. We need to understand this position so that we can begin to engage with the big issues and help them to change. We know from Oxfam’s annual Davos figures that 1% of the planet has more than twice the wealth of 90% of the world population, or that the 22 wealthiest men hold more wealth than the entire female population in Africa. We know too that the neo-liberal agenda works for the few and that ongoing growth is dangerous (Raworth, Trebeck). But this is not just about a rich few this is about all of us reading this who will be part of a privileged percentage. So we have a personal, moral and ethical responsibility to show leadership in our guardianship of the resources we have. We have to Be the Change and ask ourselves how well we are living and the role we can play in making a better world.

What are you thinking now are the challenges in your ‘normal’ New Year’s resolutions? Hold your thoughts. We can help...

Sometimes it takes more than us...

There are many drivers for change: personal, professional, psychological. For ourselves and our own wellbeing we need to be healthy; physically, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, and creatively. All the recent positive psychology and wellbeing research has produced mountains of evidence of what we can do, mindfully, to contribute to creating our own wellbeing.

However we might not have the agency to make those changes, we may live in poverty of body, mind or circumstance (Hari), we might be in the grip of an addiction or mental health problem or we may simply not have agency over the conditions in which we find ourselves. We might need the help of others to make the changes we need.

We might be that helper for others.

Sometimes talk is not sufficient. We know that simply giving people the facts is not enough otherwise the climate crisis would have been averted long ago. Psychologists and Behavioural economists have shown that we aren’t the rational beings we like to think, but rather, that our old brains, programmed for Fight and Flight, and our unconscious biases (Agarwal) hold sway.

Sometimes we can be Nudged or can Nudge others and there are now some lovely examples of that. The Stockholm Metro keyboard stairs which increased usage by 66%, or the Dutch loo fly which encouraged somewhat more accurate micturation!

If we see someone else doing a prosocial action we are more likely to follow suit. ‘Good prosocial’ behaviour might have been rewarded when we were little.

However we might be in the category that practises exceptionalism - ‘that speed limit doesn’t apply to me’, ‘I don’t need to wear a mask’, ‘I can hide my resources overseas’ and we need more than motivation and persuasion to change our ways. We need to see the benefit. Or we need laws to encourage us to do the right thing and punish us if we don’t. The history of the implementation of seat belts in the UK is interesting, from the suggestion of voluntary usage, through the campaigns that it was against civil liberties, to the now standard and legally required use.

Persuading ourselves might be easier than persuading others. Or not. Persuading our organisation to divest of its investment in fossil fuels might be more tricky than supporting our friend trying to kick an addiction. Resisting the chocolate bar that gives us comfort where we had none as a child might be the most difficult.

At U&K we believe that there really needs to be an equal focus on Self, Others and World, encouraging us all to be as Useful and Kind in equal measure, from a place of self-belief, belief in others and of empathy, compassion and love.

The U&K Behaviour Change Questions to help you achieve the changes you want to see.

What are the things you want to change in 2021? Now put them into these categories

2. Why do you want to change them - what is the motivation for change?

3. What will the outcome/impact be when you have made the changes? How will you know they have been achieved?

4. What will it feel like when you have achieved the changes (or contributed to them?)

5. How will you start to make the changes?

6. What might sabotage the changes that is within your agency?

7. What can you do to avoid the sabotage?

8. What will the reward be for the changes?

OK, do you want to change those New Year’s Resolutions now?

Look at the tips in answering the questions. Do that then you can really decide what you want.

What are the things you want to change in 2021?

we can be paralysed by choice (Paradox of Choice: Barry Schwartz)
are they within your agency?
who can help you with them?
the change for ‘others’ is not about changing them but being Useful and Kind, changing your
attitude, understanding them, helping them, think of the Golden Rule: ‘do unto others as you
would have them do unto you’
how can you maximise the difference you can make in the world? (Singer, MacAskill)
how are you informing your choices?
have you checked whether these actions align with your true values?
how difficult or easy do you think they are?

2. Why do you want to change them - what is the motivation for change?

will the benefit of doing them outweigh the cost (in the short, medium and long term?)
do you recognise the need for change?
Is someone else urging you to change? What is their motivation? Are they concerned for your
health and wellbeing?
has there been a shock or trauma that has brought about the desire for change - what
changes have you wanted to make as a result of the pandemic?
is it something you have wanted to change for a long time? An ingrained pattern of thinking,
feeling or behaviour? If so have you worked on exploring what the trigger is for that behaviour and where its origins lie in your history? Did you get notice, prised or punished for it when you were little? What did you get out of that pattern?
are your motivations Intrinsic or Extrinsic?
do you feel you will benefit yourself, others and the world by doing them?
is the motivation to make things better for those near or far (given we find it easier to help
those closer to us and those who have an identified need rather than just maintaining things as they are (Ross)

3. What will the outcome/impact be when you have made the changes? How will you know they have been achieved?

is there a straightforward measure (xKg weight loss, more days out with friends or fewer people in poverty?)
look at the Sustainable Development Goals for big measures
how good are you at predicting outcomes and how do you feel when you have achieved a goal?
how are we measuring better? Quantitative or qualitative?

4. What will it feel like when you have achieved the changes (or contributed to them?)

Can you be really specific about how you will feel?
Will you get to see the result? How is it different in the Self, Others, World categories?
will it motivate you on to make a more difficult challenge. It is well known that Olympic Gold Medal winners often sit in their room wondering what it was all about and deciding the only option they have is to do it all over again!
what will the reward be?

5. How will you start to make the changes?

The first step is vital. There has been huge amounts of research undertaken on how to begin making behaviour changes whether it’s the NHS Couch to 5k which begins effectively with ‘open the window and smell the fresh air’! There are many theories and practical tips:

notice how ready you feel - remind yourself of the benefits to you, others and the world from making these changes
start simple with something that is very easy
do it straight after something that is normally in your routine (BJ Fogg)
reward your small step immediately
tell a non-judgemental friend / buddy / coach what you plan to do
better still work with someone who is also working on the same thing
ask for help - the really big things, not least in the World category will only be deliverable with
others
ask yourself how you would encourage children or employees to change behaviour and apply
those things to yourself - model it - free from judgement
ask when you have succeeded in making change before - what can you learn from those
successes
be SMART,
Simple,
Measurable (so you feel good when you notice what you have achieved), make the changes really
Attractive, or at least the reward from doing them, as this makes it so much easier and if you don’t want to do them at a deeper level then your inner critical voice will certainly help you to stop doing them!),
Realistic (make sure that you really have the capacity to make this change,
Timed so that you know what small step you will have taken by when
accept that change takes time - and whilst it would be much easier if we had a magic wand, this takes Grit (Duckworth), Resilience (Johnstone) persistence and partnership
‘Be the change’ - is it enough - do we give up?
How can you Nudge (Thaler, Sunstein) yourself and others into starting new behaviour patterns
How can you design yourself into success? What are the simple changes? How can you make the environment conducive? (Move the furniture, paint a room, put the trainers next to the bed, subscribe to an NGO, take a different route to usual, or do it in a different way (only look at buildings from the first floor upwards!)

6. What might sabotage the changes?

be really aware of what might stop you? Notice the triggers, cues, environment that might stop you making the changes the comfort of the way things are now?
notice what is within your agency and let go of what is not
notice the pain of change - what might you have to sacrifice? time, money view of yourself?
what are the barriers to change?
what might make you fail and not get back up - be honest with yourself
might you be overwhelmed if things don’t go right straight away? Remind yourself that some changes take a long time (264 days for a food habit, 200 years for Abolition)
remind yourself or how tough it is for us when we learn to walk, write, add up, or learn our tables. They didn’t happen immediately, they took time and effort and often there were others to support us in achieving them
be aware of the sense of loss of the old patterns - remind yourself of the benefit of the new in trying to change others, and the World, especially those with a vested interest in not changing, be aware you are asking them to make a sacrifice. Martin Luther King said,’We have not made a single gain without determined pressure ... lamentably it is an historical fact that privileged groups seldom give up their privileges voluntarily ... freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor, it must be determined by the oppressed’ (quoted in Phillips)
remind ourselves that if a that we don’t like is external - we must locate ourselves both in the larger historical sweep and do what we can to make things better, using the Bentham idea of Utilitarianism, ‘all social morals and government legislation should aim for producing the greatest happiness for the greatest number of people. (Brexit anyone?)

Sometimes with the best of intentions, we get it wrong and there are paradoxical outcomes of behaviour change: the Teenage Pregnancy Awareness programmes that produced more pregnancies and the increase in incarceration that resulted from Prisoners visiting Schools!

7. What can you do to avoid the sabotage?

having noted down how you might sabotage your desired behaviour changes, write next to each, what you can do to avoid them in the first place then write down what you will do if you don’t succeed
be completely free from judgement of yourself, remind yourself of your intent, the likely outcome/impact and reward and get back on the bike
remind yourself of the need of the beneficiary of the behaviour change, whether that’s you, another or the world
remind yourself how you avoided sabotage before in your life and how you succeeded
accept with tenderness and love that you are human?

8. What will the reward be for the changes?

be very clear about the rewards of the change
make them immediate the positive word, noting the feeling of satisfaction in a journal
ensure that the benefit to you, the other and the World outweighs the effort
ensure that there are Small, Medium and Long-term benefits to Self, Others and World
make sure you are present for the reward without moving straight on to the next as this moment is the motivator for the next small step and also for increasing the number and size of the steps.

And you thought making resolutions was easy...
It is...but it’s doing them successfully that’s hard!

How can you make a better world in 2021?

So having worked through all those questions, now review what you want to change in 2021 mindful of all that is involved and if we at U&K can help you only need to reach out: admin@usefulandkindunlimited.com

What are the things you want to change in 2021?

How can we help you to make a better world?

At Useful and Kind Unlimited where our mission is to develop and support Useful and Kind, (prosocial) behaviour and leadership we have developed a wide range of ways to help ourselves, others and the world.

These include:

reflective tools https://www.usefulandkindunlimited.com/projects-1-1
a progressive Schools’ Mark https://www.usefulandkindunlimited.com/uk-schools-mark
a Curriculum Framework (up to Key Stage 2)
a Leadership Framework https://www.usefulandkindunlimited.com/you
a Summer School for Young Prosocial Leaders

Importantly we believe that modeling prosociality with belief in ourselves and others, helping to heal and hold with humility, being available, sharing our journeys and recognising that we are but a pebble in a very large pond at a particular point in history trying to make the world a better place.

Some Reading and resources:

Bibliography

ABC of Behaviour Change Theories, Michie, West, Campbell, Brown, Gainforth, Silverback 2014

Change for Good, Using Behavioural Economics For A Better World, Ross & Mahmoud, The Management Centre, 2018

Doing Good Better: Effective Altruism and a Radical Way to Make a Difference, William MacAskill, Guardian Faber, 2016

Doughnut Economics, Raworth, Random House, 2018

Drive, The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us. , Canongate 2010, Daniel Pink

Factfulness: Ten Reasons We're Wrong About The World - And Why Things Are Better Than You Think, Rosling, H, O and A., Sceptre 2019

Grit: Why Passion and Resilience are the Keys to Success, Duckworth, Vermillion, 2017

How to Fight Inequality and Why that Fight Needs You, Phillips, Polity, 2020

Lost Connections: Why You Are Depressed and How to Find Hope, Hard, Bloomsbury, 2019

Mindset, Changing The Way You Think To Fulfill Your Potential, Carol Dweck, Robinson, 2017

Nudge, Improving Decisions About Health, Wealth and Happiness, Thaler and Sunstein, Penguin, 2008

Predictably Irrational, The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions, Dan Ariely, Harper Collins, 2009

Seven Ways to Build Resilience: Strengthening Your Ability to Deal with Difficult Times, Johnstone, Robinson, 2019

Sustainable Development Goals, https://sdgs.un.org/goals

Sway: Unravelling Unconscious Bias, Agarwal, Bloomsbury Sigma, 2020

The Behaviour Change Wheel, A Guide to Designing Interventions, Michie, Atkins and West, Silverback 2014

The Economics of Arrival, Trebeck, Policy Press, 2019

The Most Good You can Do, Peter Singer, Yale Univeristy Press, 2016

The Paradox of Choice: Why Less is More, Barry Schwartz, Ecco, Revised edition 2016

The Power of Habit, Why We DO What We Do And How To Change, Duhigg, Random House 2013

The World As 100 People, A visual Guide to 7 Billion People, Aileen Lord (Illustrator) Smith Street Books 2016

Tiny Habits, The Small Changes That Change Everything, BJ Fogg Founder of the Design Lab at Stanford, Penguin 2019

Duncan Fraser